I like most Andrew Lloyd-Weber musicals. I’ve seen two of them live in one form or another and even played Benjamin in a local version of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. I admit that Lloyd-Weber’s style can be both repetitive and an acquired taste but, his music isn’t terrible and has changed the face of musical theatre.

The same cannot be said for film. There are no great quality Lloyd-Weber film adaptations. Unlike Chicago and Les Miserables which successfully build an amazing world around the existing musical, Lloyd-Weber’s adaptations look like nothing more than the stage shows with better sets and costuming.

I didn’t have any hope that Cats would be a good film adaptation. I didn’t even have an urge to see the musical on stage, let alone in a movie theater. Actually, I didn’t even KNOW a film adaptation was in the works until a mutual friend of Mrs. Dash and I let us know.

What I wasn’t expecting was the true horror of what modern technology does with the musical. The trailer displays the most uncanny valley experience I’ve had in my life. Yes, the singing is great and the set design looks= OK by theatre (but not movie) standards. The thing that is most obvious is that realistic looking cat people should not exist in this world. At least people in skintight leotards prancing about on stage look like human beings in “cat suits”. The same cannot be said here.

I have no intent or desire to see this movie. In fact, I actively DISCOURAGE anyone from seeing it. Near-realistic looking cat/human hybrids are something the world just isn’t ready for. They are just plain disturbing. Any other possible redeeming quality of the movie is overshadowed by this one fact. Not even Sir Ian McKellen can draw me out of the virtual nuclear bomb shelter protecting me from this creepy disaster.

I wasn’t expecting much from an Andrew Lloyd-Weber film adaptation, but I definitely wasn’t expecting this true demonstration of humans pushing technology way too far. To quote Ian Malcom from Jurassic Park, ” Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn’t stop to think if they should. “